


Chain

by sauvignonfierce



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Crying, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Protectiveness, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-03
Updated: 2013-09-03
Packaged: 2017-12-25 12:06:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/952892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sauvignonfierce/pseuds/sauvignonfierce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Juice finally breaks down to Chibs about the events of Fruit for the Crows (4x7). Chibs doesn't take it well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chain

         The road and the night seemed to become one entity, one living, breathing, beating creature as Chibs rode his bike through the dusty California landscape. If he wiped out, he thought, he’d simply melt into the sticky asphalt and become tar himself. Like some twisted dinosaur to petroleum process.  
         But he knew, from the scars on his arms that he wouldn’t, that he’d be spread thin across the pavement for someone to find. Like he’d found Juice. Through his gloves he could still feel the warm bruises on Juice’s neck, the terrified smile on the man’s face as he explained his accident with the chain to Tig and himself. He hadn’t bought it for a second. If Juice had thought he could lie to him, the boy was a lot dumber than he had thought. But it didn’t stop him from wondering if even now, days after the incident, Juice wished it had worked.   
         The lights were on in the living room, Chibs could see as he pulled into Juice’s driveway. Juice had the annoying habit of leaving the tv on and wandering into another room without turning it off. Each time he stepped over the threshold into the house, he wondered if he’d find his lover, bent over with his head in the oven, or swinging from the ceiling fan, or with his brains splattered all over the wall and the back of the couch. So far, holding his breath and crossing his chest when he walked in had worked, and Juice greeted him with a warm smile and an eventual kiss.   
         Tonight was different. Something lingered in the house when he walked in. It wasn’t death- it wasn’t cold enough. It was an energy, like the flickering faintly blue light from the muted tv where a man and a woman appeared to be arguing in their sterile family home. Juice sat at the small kitchen table, hands together, pressed to his mouth. Chibs thought he was praying for a moment, but his lips were still and his eyes were open.   
         He’d seen the boy pray before, he knew how he did it- this was something different. Chibs removed his kutte and his jacket, tossing them on the couch with his gloves before walking to him. Juice didn’t look up when Chibs took a seat across the table from him, or when the older man lit a cigarette. They sat together for dreadfully silent minutes, the ash from the cigarettes piling up, the clock ticking on the wall, the television still casting its light on the windows.   
         Juice spoke finally, his voice soft and stretched, like he hadn’t spoken for years and there were cobwebs tangled around his vocal chords.   
         “Everything’s falling apart,” he said.   
         Juice hadn’t talked much about what happened. He told Chibs why, told him he felt it had been his only option, a quick drop from a tree to end everything and allow the club to operate in some amount of safety. But he hadn’t talked, not truly, about his suicide attempt. Chibs wanted to comfort him, like a bottle of Jack had always been there for him, but this was Juice. This wasn’t a woman who needed a shoulder to cry on, this was a brother in arms who needed to end it all. Chibs kept silent.   
         “I never thought I could handle this. The first day Eli took me in and told me he knew about my father, I accepted that the end of my run here was going to stem from that. I just thought….I don’t know, I’d be able to get out or something.” Juice’s eyes were wide and glassy, a look that had become too comfortable on his sweet boyish features.   
         “We’re your brothers,” Chibs said after a few moments of emptiness between them. “What Eli found wasn’t something you chose. You can’t pick who yer parents are. It’s not yer fault.”   
         “I could have come clean. Jax and Clay….I knew they wouldn’t actually care. It’s a formality more than anything, but I couldn’t do it. It felt like letting them down, Chibs. They’re gonna find out, and now…everything that I’ve done….they’re gonna kill me. I know they are.”   
         Chibs was getting angry now, watching his boy fall apart, hands still clasped together, white at the knuckles.   
         “Nobody’s gonna kill you, Juicy. Not Clay, not Jax, and certainly not you,” he said forcefully.   
         “If you could, you’d go back to Fiona and to Kerrianne, wouldn’t you?” Chibs didn’t answer. “I know you would, man. You don’t have to lie. I don’t want you to lie. Because you have something with them, you have a family who loves you and wants you back.”   
         “Kerrianne hardly knows me,” Chibs answered quietly.   
         “But she wants to. My mom’s dead, I never met my father, my sister’s all hate me for leaving home when I was younger. I haven’t seen them since I was 18. If I showed up one day, they wouldn’t even recognize me. This is all I have, Chibs. You and the club, and I let everyone down. Jax always says that we have a choice, no matter what situation we’re in. I chose the wrong one, and now I’m gonna pay for it.”   
         Tears were rolling down Juice’s face as he spoke. His jaw was clenched tightly. He never wiped away a tear, he just let them flow. Chibs stood up aggressively, his chair tipping over and clattering to the floor behind him. He slammed his fist down in front of Juice and grabbed his hands. He knelt on the ground, staring at his lover, kissing his knuckles and his palms as the younger man shook.   
         “Would I go back to Kerrianne and Fiona if I could? Of course I would. But don’t for one bloody second think that would make me forget about you, Juicy. Yer part of my life, as a brother, as a lover, whatever way you have to be, you are. And I don’t give a shit what Jax says. You are loyal, and smart and scared. You made a choice based on the club rules. It’s time those rules changed, but I’m not letting you go down as collateral damage for these changes. D’you understand me? I’m yer family now.”   
         Juice nodded and slumped in his chair. Chibs stood and hauled Juice up. He kissed him, slowly and softly, just a soft glide of lips against lips, like tires against the road, like chain against skin.


End file.
